If I had a dick...

Recently I was at a party, drunk of course, and we thought it would be funny to start a blog called "If I had a Dick" and named the numerous things we would do if we in fact, had penises (or peni, if you prefer). This blog gets a little personal, I use people's names in which I'm acquainted with, so if you do not know me, then no... I'm not talking about you. Enjoy!

If I Had A Dick...

...I'd paint it to match my pants.
...I'd put it in one of Melissa's guaged earlobes.
...I'd titfuck Monica.
...I'd slide it into a chunky chicken pot pie.
...I'd pose sexually in doorways and surprise onlookers.
...I'd see how far away from the toilet I could stand and still be able to pee in it.
...I'd write my name in the snow while pissing into the wind.
...I'd write your name in the snow that you stand on.
...I'd wear a cup, constantly.
...I'd slap people with it... Anyone giving me the opportunity or urge. lol
...I'd put it in the ass of every man who's ever hurt me...with no lube.
...I'd do jumping jacks naked... perhaps in a window.
...I'd video tape myself doing jumping jacks so I could laugh at it flopping.
...I'd touch it a little.
...I'd touch it a lot.
...I'd let you touch it.
...I'd make it the life of the party.
...I'd name it Dick. Or Krull the Warrior King.
...I'd fashion a little wig and shades for it.
...I'd gyrate my hips and call the flopping of my dick the willy wobble.
...I'd powder it daily to keep it from sticking to my leg.
...I'd read it bed time stories.
...I'd beat it until it threw up.
(...to be continued)